guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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