is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
