WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
