oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
