Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
