If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
