i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize