Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
