I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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