Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
