it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize