i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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