Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
