would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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