***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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