im having a threesome with these popsicles
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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