Pappa wants mamma naked
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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