I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
