Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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