I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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