when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
there was a trapeze. enough said
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
