great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
