We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
People in love make me want to vomit
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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