i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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