At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize