she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
