i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
