I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
