I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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