I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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