his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize