I cockslap morals
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
