i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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