Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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