apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
