I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
