i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
