I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We were destined to go to rehab together
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
