I feel like abortions should bother me more
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
