so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You don't make any sense
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