Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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