He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
