Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
