I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Randomize
