SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
