So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
