he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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