i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
