They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
