Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
