Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize