Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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