operation harelip BJ is a go
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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