...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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