Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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