She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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