By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Walk of Shame today included voting.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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