he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
