you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
