Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
