I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈ðŸ˜
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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