so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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