oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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