Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
