You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
