I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
