You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
