Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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